#LivingwhileBlack

A list of my offenses.

Reasons the police have been called on me.

1. My Mother and I walking to the grocery store when I was about 8. We were reported as being prostitutes.
2. Walking home from school and stopping to pet a neighbors dog.
3. Going across the street at 9 years old with a fist full of dollar bills. Suspicion of theft.
4. 13 years old, walking home along a residential street, with my school books. Suspected prostitution.
5. 13 years old, walking home with library books. Reported suspicious person.
6. 14 years old. In Kmart parking lot with my parents. Police called due to suspicious activity as we were putting stuff in the car.
7. 14 years old. Walking home from the store I was knocked down/my bag stolen by a grown White man. Police handcuffed me. I never told anyone.
8. 15 years old. In Southcenter mall with my Mom. “Loitering” in a bookstore with a book in my hand. I bought a book I didn’t want with a cop watching over my shoulder.
9. 16 years old. After school. Sitting waiting for my ride. Police “contact” due to Black and outside.
10. 16 years old. Waiting for a bus alone at Burien Transit center (the old location) alone, reading on a bench. Loitering.
11. (Let’s skip ahead) 21 years old. In a car with a Black male driver in Magnolia. We were lost/going a little under the speed limit at dusk. Suspicious activity. Searched. Driver was detained. Questoned about being a prostitute, drug dealing and theft. No tickets issued. Nothing found in car. No violations. Told to watch ourselves.
12. 21 years old. Broad daylight. Talking to a girl I was flirting with (White) someone else called the police. Officer took the girl to the side to ask if she was okay while I was cornered and not spoken to until I was searched. Reported they were called because the girl I was talking to “seemed to be in danger”.
13. 22 years old. Using a first “good” paycheck to shop in Westlake mall downtown Seattle. Had purple hair. Was grabbed from behind by what turned out to be a police officer. Dragged into a store in Westlake. NOT id’d by the clerk. Forced to dump my belongings on the dirty floor. Had none of their merchandise. Told to leave the area immediately.
14. 22 years old. Purse snatched. Went into a store downtown in tears. Was told to leave immediately and police showed up anyway. Did not take my report of my purse being stolen, I was issued a trespass citation for the store.
15. 25ish years old. Waiting for the same bus I had been taking for years. Alone. Carrying a soft sided briefcase, wearing a long winter coat. Leaning on bus stop reading a book. Police “contact” due to “reports” of prostitution. Cruiser waits/watches me from across the street for three weeks.
16. 31 years old. Cornered by two drunk White men while they talked about assaulting me. Police were called, I was told that I had shafted them out of money after promising them sexual favors. Warned about prostitution. The men were sent on their way.
17. 31 years old. Followed by one cop at night. Every night for months. I walked the same route at the same time by myself. No contact. Officer drives behind me as I walk, no headlights. Escalates, pulls up behind me in a parking lot with lights off, revs engine until I am so scared I fall. Speeds away. Stops in the street to watch me walk into my apartment building. Scared I hid. Pulled into complex to look for me. Too terrified to walk home at normal time, report it to the sheriff’s office. Got lukewarm “safety” apology.

Things I remember but not necessarily when they happened.

Stopped by police because I said hello and had a decent conversation with a houseless person. Threatened with arrest for “comingling”.

Flashed and followed by a man while he was jerking off in downtown Seattle. Found cop. Was asked what I’d done to entice him.

Threatened with arrest for-

1. Waiting for buses at regular times.
2. Walking home at regular times in North Seattle.
3. Being on foot.
4. Being victim of a crime.
5. Packing my groceries outside of the grocery store.
6. Tripping while walking.
7. Having library books.
8. Not knowing another Black person who got in a fight three blocks away.
9. Not shoplifting. As in, I was buying things.
10. Telling a White woman not to touch my hair.
11. Handing a houseless person a hamburger.
12. Buying a houseless person a cup of coffee.
13. Crying in public.
14. Picking up a flower someone else had snatched out of a flower box, in front of the cop who threatened to arrest me for vandalism.
15. Carrying my mail. (At my apartment complex)
16. Being groped and shoving the man off of the bus bench.
17. Walking through my apartment complex to go home.
18. Having a giggle in a public park with a friend. White friend was not asked to leave I was.

Things I have done to cause police to notice and assert themselves in my presence. These are bike police.

1. Stood at a bus stop.
2. Moved away from them as they were contacting other people.
3. Not paying attention to what they were doing.
4. Walking by an arrest in progress.
5. As I was being questioned at a bus stop, pointing out that a man across the street had his pants down and was urinating on a hotel.
6. Said no to a search.
7. Said no to being id’d. (#6 and 7 I would not do now for fear of execution)
8. Not allowed them into my apartment when they were investigating my neighbor.
9. Reporting a different neighbor had their door kicked in and my fear it could happen to me.
10. Crossing the street on a walk light.
11. Pointed out that both the fare box on the sidewalk and the bus was broken and therefor like the other bus pass holders (all white) no my pass hadn’t scanned.
12. Was using “gang” signs when using my limited sign language with someone on the street.
13. Sat quietly during police action on a bus.
14. Been on the sidewalk.
15. Stepped into the street to avoid a large group of people.
16. Was born.
17. Am alive.

There’s so much more. And few precious positive interactions. I can’t estimate how many times a cop has gone out of their way to dehumanize me or humiliate me when I was not who they wanted. I have been made to know that if they wanted, they could do whatever. I have been made to know that my acknowledgement of other Black people or my having conversations with houseless people are ways they know I am one of them.

This is not how it should be. I was taught that if all else failed, or if I got scared the people I could trust wore blue. I was taught that no matter what, I could turn to them on the street, in my community or walking into a police station that they would protect me. I was taught to call them if someone else needed the same help.

Now, when I have to call the police I wonder if whatever reason is worth the person involved being executed.

Is a broken window, or intoxication, or mental health or any number of things worth another life?

Is it worth my life?

I wonder if I will make a mistake. Have my phone, pull out my wallet too fast, have a pencil, be hysterical, be actually angry, have an attitude, try to protect my face if I get taken down, try to survive if someone is choking me, if I don’t realize I am the target what if I seem to be fleeing? What if my hands are up? What if my previous contacts with police mean that I am “known” and “dangerous”? What if one of those corn fed, military weapon having men is afraid of me?

What if, the next hashtag is me?